Attention celebrities: You know how you are always saying or tweeting a lot of really dumb things? Wouldn't it be nice if you had a special assistant to help you avoid these publicity nightmares? We'd like to suggest hiring someone to take this inflatable mallet and follow you around at parties, award ceremonies, social events, whatever. Then, before you can say anything stupid, you'll be bopped over the head. Problem solved. Attention non-celebrities: Even if you don't get hired by a celebrity, this mallet still makes a great accessory for your costume.